David Sedaris for President (of my heart)

David Sedaris – I’m Not Running for President – Humor | Blogs | Vanity Fair.

If we want to get out of this mess we’re in, we’ve got to think outside the box. On the one hand, we have immigrants pouring across the border, and on the other, the price of gas is going through the roof! I say we kill two birds with one stone and have illegal Mexicans push our cars. Canadians too, and why not? They’re on our land, so can’t we punish them as we see fit? Another example: You have babies born addicted to crack and meth, kids who will never be able to think straight, no matter how much money we throw at them. At the same time we have streets blighted with potholes. I’m not suggesting that we train these children to fill the potholes, but that we fill the potholes with these children, just stuff them right down there and cover them with asphalt. Then we take the money we’ve saved and put it toward the deficit.


My god, do I adore this man.  Sedaris, for life, forever.  Man, he’s the best.

also, LOL @ this


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