Why Is Everyone So Concerned About My Anus?

A week later, I received an email from a publicist about Cottonelle Fresh Moist Wipes (subject line: “Get Fresh By Getting Fresh”), which she described as “a quick, easy, hassle-free way to get fresh before heading out with friends or with that special someone.” I have to say, in my years of prepping for dates, I have never had a “pre-date bathroom routine” that involved primping my a**hole.

via Why Is Everyone So Concerned About My Anus? – The Frisky.

…I laughed at the title alone for a good five minutes.  Seriously.  Butt stuff is hilarious.

It reminded me of  a friend sharing an amazing porn title– “But I poop from there!”  Seriously.  I don’t even know how that could not be hilarious.

My buddy recently went to Japan, and we have spent tons of time talking about their kick-ass toilet situations.  These American ones just aren’t cutting it anymore.  My god, Japan is so ridiculously advanced.  They have fucking cat cafes.  CAT CAFES YOU GUYS.  I feel like Japan really gets me.

One curious thing re: the article at hand… when are they just going to make, like, after-doodie adult wipes?  Must they always be the baby ones with Winnie-the-Pooh (heh, unintended) or colorful butterflies and teddy bears dancing about?  Can’t they makes something a wee (heh x2) bit more mature for adults who are into butt washin’?

Hmm.

I guess I won’t have to worry about any of this.  I mean, I’m a chick, so I have never pooped in my life.

Gah you know what the worst synonym for poop ever?  CACA.  UGGHGHGHGHH.  Makes me queasy.  When I was five, my next door neighbor’s parents always used that term, and it made little Lisa want to die/throw up.  Still does, actually.

Ok that’s enough shit for now.

OH GOD.  Also, why do some boys take 30 minutes to poop EVERY TIME?! WTF is going on in there?

Ha.  It’s so hard.  I could talk shit shop for dayyyyys.

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