Florida Man on Twitter

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This Twitter is brilliant. It just scoops up real crime articles that have “Florida Man” present in the title. SO GOOD.

Some choice examples:

Florida Man Traps Ex-Girlfriend’s Mother Into A Fold-Out Couch | http://bit.ly/fJPLwo

Florida Man Threatens Neighbor With Chainsaw He Can’t Start | http://bit.ly/UskBe0

Florida Man Slapped With Warning After Riding Dying Sperm Whale | http://bit.ly/12WT6Pf

High On Synthetic Weed, Florida Man Calls 911 Twice To Report That His Dreams Are Real | http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2012-09-04/news/os-man-calls-911-dreams-drugs-20120904_1_dispatcher-synthetic-marijuana-dream …

all via Florida Man _FloridaMan on Twitter.


MEANWHILE IN NORWAY: “Firewood programme sparks complaints on correct way to stack bark”

In most places across the world, the topic of firewood would hardly be expected to set the nation’s imagination alight.

But in Norway, a television programme on the subject of wood caused quite a stir, after splitting the country straight down the middle on how it should be stacked.

Nearly a million people, 20 per cent of the Norwegian population, tuned in to the programme when it was aired during prime time on Friday night. But the angry responses started almost as soon as it had begun.

via Norway split down the middle on how to stack firewood following programme featuring an eight hour live shot of a fireplace | Mail Online.

That’s adorable.


Love, Liz Lemon style

 VIA: http://www.howaboutwe.com/date-report/30-rock-finale-liz-lemon-love-lessons/#

msg-130567967779

On online dating

“We met on K-Date, it’s the dating section on the Kraft Foods website.” —Floyd (4.16)

On dating vocabulary

“Lovers…oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.” —Secrets and Lies (2.8)

On Valentine’s Day

“Valentine’s Day is a sham created by card companies to reinforce gender stereotypes. [..] I’ll buy some cookies, but NOT for Valentine’s Day. These cookies celebrate the February 14th birthday of Anna Howard Shaw, famed American suffragette.” —Anna Howard Shaw Day (4.13)

On what we’re all really looking for

ACK ACK ACK

ACK ACK ACK

“I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals, but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching “Lost.” And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame, and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed – like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms, like a damned Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me. Even when I’m old. And that’s what I want.” —Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter (4.17)

 

VIA: http://www.howaboutwe.com/date-report/30-rock-finale-liz-lemon-love-lessons/#


if you are lonely……

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VIA Twitter / narwhalynn: if you are lonely just start ….


MEANWHILE IN GERMANY: Internet access declared a basic right

A top German court has ruled that people can sue their Internet providers for damages if connection is lost. The court has ruled that access to the Internet represents a basic need in modern society.

The complaint that brought about the ruling came from a man who lost his Internet connection for two months due to an administrative error caused by a takeover of his Internet provider by another company. He is now entitled to monetary compensation – and while the amount may not be very high, the ruling reflects an important shift. With it, Germany’s Federal Court of Justice has stated that Internet connection is a modern necessity, on par with the right to mobility.

The court compared the situation to a car owner claiming damages after someone else has caused an accident that renders the car unusable for some time.A ‘vital’ part of lifeAmong other reasons for the judgment, the Federal Court states that “the majority of German residents use the Internet on a daily basis. It has become a medium that plays a vital role in the lives of most people, and whose absence has a significant impact on daily life.”

via Internet access declared a basic right in Germany | Sci-Tech | DW.DE | 27.01.2013.

WHAT IS THIS

WHAT IS THIS

SO: I was initially looking for a picture that was like “Go Germany!” then I thought of their love of Hoff. I was searching for something that possibly combined the two but then saw THIS & had to stop. I mean, it chose ME.


“out of the ash/ I rise with my red hair/ and I eat men like air”

Today marks the 50th anniversary of Sylvia Plath’s untimely death.

sylvia50

 

VIA http://lisabrightanddark.wordpress.com/2013/02/11/741/


prettiest shipwreck ever

 

via World¿s most beautiful shipwreck: Haunting hull of Sweepstakes lies just TWENTY FEET below clear blue water of Ontario lake where it sank in 1885 | Mail Online.


U-S-eh

Will the U.S. catch up with the rest of the world during President Obama’s second term? Advocates are working to get a national law passed while some states are expanding family leave policies, the Atlantic reports. See a new White House petition here. In the meantime, certain companies understand that keeping new parents happy makes more sense than replacing them, which generally costs somewhere between 50 and 200 percent of a worker’s salary. When Google lengthened its maternity leave from three months to five and made it fully paid, new-mom attrition fell by half.

 

via Paid Parental Leave: U.S. vs. The World (INFOGRAPHIC).

 


MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE

McSweeney’s: I’m a Social Media Community Manager!

BY

– – – –

I always knew I’d be successful. Yep, just out of college and I’ve got my first job, and what a job it is: I’m a Social Media Community Manager for a B2B SaaS company.

What is a Social Media Community Manager? Oh sorry, I didn’t hear you over the sound of how hip my job is. I’m responsible for engaging current and prospective customers via social media channels, building a strong community around our brand, analyzing relevant metrics, SEO management—you name it, I do it.

I spend all day on Facebook, writing blogs, chatting up customers, whatever I need to do to ensure maximum ROI for our company; basically playing around on the internet. It’s pretty much every college kid’s dream job so I—oh god, I can’t do this anymore.

What have I become?

It’s too unbearable, I’m sorry. Yesterday I went to sleep and dreamed about inbound-lead generation via LinkedIn. I woke up wallowing in the dark depths of the severe depression that has overtaken my life. I never wanted to be a Social Media Community Manager. I wanted to be a fireman, or a policeman, or anything! I just want to be a real person again.

84% of B2B buyers said word of mouth recommendations are the most important factor in purchasing decisions. Oh god, I can’t stop. I’m sorry. The impersonality of it all!

I wrote a guest post for a high-profile social media blog yesterday. It got 200 shares on Facebook, and yet I felt nothing. Do they like the brand or me? I can’t even tell anymore. My social profiles are so integrated into the fabric of the company that I look in the mirror and all I see is the dashboard of Google Analytics—oh look! Our referral traffic from Facebook is up 30% this month!

No! Stop! I’m not looking for a higher CTR or increased engagement on your goddamn social networks! I’m not a cog in your sales machine! I’m a real person with real feelings, not a profile picture to analyze for your own amusement. My status updates say, “Check out our newest eBook!” but read between the lines; what I really mean is, “Check out me, please. I need validation!”

What’s happened to me?

As I look back on a life filled with regret and self-depreciation, the overwhelming burden of my daily tasks seem too much to bear. Thoughts of suicide bring relief; the relief that maybe one day I won’t wake up and immediately check Pinterest for new followers—the relief that there exists a world beyond Twitter; a world with people and flowers and sunlight and trees.

And the relief that I have so many followers on Twitter, when I tweet out my suicide letter it’ll totally get retweeted like, 100 times.

via: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-a-social-media-community-manager

OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE


“Impossible To Tell If Frazzled Woman In Walgreens Uniform Going To Or Coming From Work”

I say this a lot, but this is easily one of my favorite Onion articles….

700

NEW YORK—Local pedestrians told reporters Thursday morning they were unable to discern whether the agitated, uniform-clad woman smoking a cigarette on a city sidewalk was on her way to work at a nearby Walgreens or returning home from a night shift there. “Wow, she’s either just had a really shitty day at work at Walgreens or she knows one is coming,” office worker Kenneth Turner said moments after he passed the bleary-eyed, slump-shouldered woman on a street not far from the 24-hour drugstore. “She looks beaten down and is sighing heavily, but I can’t tell if that’s because she has just stood under fluorescent lights while being berated by angry customers for eight hours straight, or is about to.” At press time, witnesses confirmed the woman had uncontrollably burst into tears, a development that did nothing to shed any light on the situation.

via Impossible To Tell If Frazzled Woman In Walgreens Uniform Going To Or Coming From Work | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.