Excerpts from Vanilla Ice’s Wikipedia Page

Excerpts from Vanilla Ice’s Wikipedia Page, Offered Without Comment: by Sarah Marshall

1. Van Winkle married Laura Giaritta in 1997; they have two daughters, Dusti Rain (born 1998) and KeeLee Breeze (born 2000). Van Winkle is a Juggalo and a vegetarian.

2. Van Winkle’s pet wallaroo, Bucky, and pet goat, Pancho, escaped from his Port St. Lucie, Florida home in November 2004. After wandering around local streets for over a week, the animals were caught and returned to Ice.

3. On February 27, 2009, Van Winkle performed as part of a joint performance with MC Hammer in Orem, Utah called “Hammer Pants And Ice,” which featured 24 dancers and a full choir.

4. In 1993, Ice toured Eastern-Europe again and premiered songs off his upcoming album in St. Petersburg, Russia in front of President Boris Yeltsin.

5. Van Winkle branched out into the film industry with an appearance in the film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze, which he later called “one of the coolest experiences” of his career.

6. While his fame in the United States had severely dropped, Ice continued performing to sold out crowds in his 1992 world tour, playing in South America, Europe, Australia and Asia, premiering new songs like “Get Loose,” “The Wrath,” “Now & Forever,” “Where the Dogs At? (All Night Long),” “Minutes of Power” and “Iceman Path.”

7. In 2009, Van Winkle started filming a reality television series called The Vanilla Ice Project which premiered on DIY Network on October 14, 2010. The season is focused on renovating a house in Palm Beach, Florida with each episode dedicated to a different room in the house. In 2011, Van Winkle published a book on the subject, Vanilla Ice Project – Real Estate Guide on how to succeed in real estate.

8. Van Winkle decided that it was time to change his lifestyle. As a symbol of his attempt to begin anew, he got a tattoo of a leaf on his stomach.

9.  In late 1995, Van Winkle set up a recording studio in Miami and joined a grunge band, Pickin Scabz. The name was set to reflect Van Winkle’s career and how he was healing from his suicide attempt and that he was now “picking up the pieces.

“10. After a performance in Acapulco, the city honored Van Winkle with a medal that represented “all the respect and admiration to [Van Winkle’s] music and to [him] as an artist from the Mexican people.”

11. In December 2011, Van Winkle played Captain Hook in the Chatham, Kent Central Theatre pantomime production of Peter Pan, a role that previously belonged to Henry Winkler.

12. Ice’s lyricism evolved with him.

via http://thehairpin.com/2013/04/excerpts-from-vanilla-ices-wikipedia-page-offered-without-comment

I bolded some of my favorites. I wish I could have triple bolded #12. A Juggalo/vegetarian combo? Amazing. Also, Juggalo rhymes with wallaroo (okay, not really at all, but get over it), and I have no idea what these critters look like.


OMGOSH. I want like seven of these now.

& BRB, gotta go to Amazon & get a copy of that book from #7…

What the hell. They only have Ice by Ice: The Vanilla Ice Story in His Own Words. THIS IS A TRAVESTY (although now I kind of want that one too, but still). I can’t believe my most beloved Amazon failed me. Hmm, maybe they have some wallaroos I can buy.

At least I found some Ice + TMNT action:

I hope I have a dream about this tonight

What Should Have Been Waffles Eaten For Breakfast | The Onion

via What Should Have Been Waffles Eaten For Breakfast | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.

I ate an apple 😦 This wasn’t a personal choice; we just need to buy groceries.

Are Cats Spies Sent by Aliens? A Deep Examination of One of the Internet’s Best Conspiracy Theories


Attention cat people. There’s a burgeoning theory around the internet that begs reckoning. It’s not the theory that parasites in cat poop are turning you into crazy cat ladies, though that’s certainly cause for alarm. It’s much worse than that.

Domestic house cats, it seems, may be alien sentinels—sent to spy on us and report their findings back to the mother ship. Or, as some theorists have put it, they’re like alien camcorders tracking our every move.

Well, maybe. We humans love our conspiracy theories, and there’s a decent chance this is just another among them. As a poll published just yesterday reveals, 51 percent of Americans believe the JFK assassination was a conspiracy; 15 percent believe “the government or the media adds mind-controlling technology to TV broadcast signals”; and 4 percent believe reptilian shapeshifters control the government.

It’s impossible to know just how pervasive cats-as-alien spies theory is without an adequate polling apparatus (if you have one, please get in touch). One guesses it’s fairly low. Then again, 4 percent is much higher than one might have expected for the lizard people theory, and, according to the same poll, some 29 percent of Americans believe aliens exist and 14 percent believe in Bigfoot, so who knows?

As with most conspiracy theories, the cats-as-alien-spies theory is surprisingly well-developed—and based on a few kernels of truth and genuine ambiguity. How much? Motherboard decided to take a look at some of the supporting premises, one-by-one. A user who goes by the moniker “RedSpider” summarizes the prevailing wisdom in a handy list on the British tech message board, Digital Kaos. I’ve appropriated his/her list here (lightly edited for style and clarity), with the original points bolded.

Examine the evidence and decide for yourself…

READ ON: Are Cats Spies Sent by Aliens? A Deep Examination of One of the Internet’s Best Conspiracy Theories | Motherboard.

Mansions and Fine Art Made Especially for Cats and Dogs


Mansions and Fine Art Made Especially for Cats and Dogs.

We really do need this couch..


could this be the age of..


Could This Be The Age Of The Internet?.

LOL @ The Onion, always.

Stephen Colbert pays tribute to Boston in touching monologue


Before we begin, I just want to take a moment to talk about the attack in Boston yesterday.’

Obviously our thoughts and our prayers are with everybody there and as the president said, we don’t know who did this but they will be found and they will be brought to justice.’

But whoever did this did obviously did not know s about the people of Boston, because nothing these terrorists do is going to shake them.

‘For Pete’s sake, Boston was founded by the pilgrims – a people so tough they had to buckle their goddamn hats on. It is the cradle of the American revolution. A city that withstood a 86 year losing streak [picture of the Boston Red Sox]. A city that made it through the Big Dig, a construction project that backed up traffic for 16 years. I mean, there are commuters just getting home now.’

Even their bands are tough. It’s the hometown of Aerosmith who, in their fifth decade, are still going strong. Even Steven Tyler looks fantastic – for a 73-year-old woman.’

But here’s what these cowards really don’t get, they attacked the Boston marathon, an event celebrating people who run 26 miles on their day off until their nipples are raw – for fun. And they have been holding it in Boston since 1897. And do you know how tough you have to be to run in a whalebone corset?’

And when those bombs went off there were runners who after finishing a marathon kept running for another two miles to the hospital to donate blood.’

So here’s what I know. These maniacs may have tried to make life bad for the people of Boston. But all they can ever do is show just how good those people are.’

via Stephen Colbert pays tribute to Boston in touching monologue after marathon bombings | Mail Online.

Perfectly done, Colbert.

let’s just go to Ikea and grab some rape-y pillows

‘Cuddle Rape’? IKEA left red-faced after online translator gives one of its pillows a rather unfortunate name. Name of IKEA pillow Gosa Raps translates to Cuddle Rape on Google.

Swedish furniture giant IKEA has been left red-faced after the name of one of their products was translated into something less than appropriate.

A customer put the name of £35 pillow Gosa Raps into Google Translate which interpreted it as Cuddle Rape.

The translation of Raps, the Swedish word for rapeseed, was cut in half by the online dictionary, creating the unfortunate combination.

via ‘Cuddle Rape’? IKEA left red-faced after online translator gives one of its pillow a rather unfortunate name | Mail Online.

found by Google image searching "scary pillow" -- no idea why this would be $60.

found by Google image searching “scary pillow” — no idea why this would be $60.


This gave me a laugh that I totally needed. The bombings at the Boston Marathon today have left a heavy feeling in my heart.

okay this helps too.

okay this helps too.


This dog who has actually no idea how he ended up here.

via 26 Dogs Who Have Literally No Idea What’s Going On Right Now.


Always remember to ask yourself… what would John Waters do??

“If you’re not sure you could love your children, please don’t have them, because they might grow up and kill us.”

“[F]or all the neurotics who may have felt a little blue one day and were unfairly diagnosed and overly medicated before they could even try to talk out their problems, I have some advice. It’s appropriate to be depressed sometimes. Who wants to be ‘even’ day after day? If you just killed three people in a DWI accident, you should feel bad. If your whole family molested you in a giant basket on Easter morning, you have a right to be grumpy every once in a while. But feeling down can make you feel up if you’re the creative type. The emotional damage may have already been done to you, but stop whining. Use your insanity to get ahead.”

via John Waters’ 10 Best Pieces of Advice for Functional Freaks – Flavorwire.

Oh! I just remember the story about some band picking up a hitchhiking John Waters in Ohio… so don’t always do what John Waters does.

maybe they had candy?

maybe they had candy?

I’d hire this guy


& some of his amazing follow-up questions:

Screen shot 2013-04-12 at 7.10.17 PM

Screen shot 2013-04-12 at 7.08.33 PM

& I laughed about this forever. I really wish I had said it 😦

Screen shot 2013-04-12 at 7.08.53 PM

via: Hippest Resume You Have Ever Seen.

that's right.

that’s right.