Always remember to ask yourself… what would John Waters do??
“If you’re not sure you could love your children, please don’t have them, because they might grow up and kill us.”
“[F]or all the neurotics who may have felt a little blue one day and were unfairly diagnosed and overly medicated before they could even try to talk out their problems, I have some advice. It’s appropriate to be depressed sometimes. Who wants to be ‘even’ day after day? If you just killed three people in a DWI accident, you should feel bad. If your whole family molested you in a giant basket on Easter morning, you have a right to be grumpy every once in a while. But feeling down can make you feel up if you’re the creative type. The emotional damage may have already been done to you, but stop whining. Use your insanity to get ahead.”
Oh! I just remember the story about some band picking up a hitchhiking John Waters in Ohio… so don’t always do what John Waters does.
On online dating
“We met on K-Date, it’s the dating section on the Kraft Foods website.” —Floyd (4.16)
On dating vocabulary
“Lovers…oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.” —Secrets and Lies (2.8)
On Valentine’s Day
“Valentine’s Day is a sham created by card companies to reinforce gender stereotypes. [..] I’ll buy some cookies, but NOT for Valentine’s Day. These cookies celebrate the February 14th birthday of Anna Howard Shaw, famed American suffragette.” —Anna Howard Shaw Day (4.13)
On what we’re all really looking for
“I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals, but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching “Lost.” And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame, and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed – like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms, like a damned Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me. Even when I’m old. And that’s what I want.” —Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter (4.17)