[…]Then, right at the height of his popularity, the Noid endured perhaps the worst mascot PR in history.
On January 30, 1989, a man wielding a .357 magnum revolver stormed into a Domino’s in Atlanta, Georgia and took two employees hostage. For five hours, he engaged in a standoff with police, all the while ordering his hostages to make him pizzas. Before the police could negotiate with his demands ($100,000, a getaway car, and a copy of The Widow’s Son – a novel about Freemasons), the two employees escaped. In the ensuing chaos, the captor fired two gunshots into the establishment’s ceiling, was forcefully apprehended, and received charges of kidnapping, aggravated assault, and theft by extortion.
The assailant, a 22-year-old named Kenneth Lamar Noid, was apparently upset about the chain’s new mascot. A police officer on the scene later revealed that Noid had “an ongoing feud in his mind with the owner of Domino’s Pizza about the Noid commercials,” and thought the advertisements had specifically made fun of him. A headline the following morning in the Boca Raton News sparked a talk show frenzy: “Domino’s Hostages Couldn’t Avoid the Noid This Time.”
On online dating
“We met on K-Date, it’s the dating section on the Kraft Foods website.” —Floyd (4.16)
On dating vocabulary
“Lovers…oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.” —Secrets and Lies (2.8)
On Valentine’s Day
“Valentine’s Day is a sham created by card companies to reinforce gender stereotypes. [..] I’ll buy some cookies, but NOT for Valentine’s Day. These cookies celebrate the February 14th birthday of Anna Howard Shaw, famed American suffragette.” —Anna Howard Shaw Day (4.13)
On what we’re all really looking for
“I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals, but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching “Lost.” And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame, and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed – like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms, like a damned Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me. Even when I’m old. And that’s what I want.” —Lee Marvin vs. Derek Jeter (4.17)
As someone who may or may not be in love with Dominoes (shut up), this killed me.
Also, MY Oscar would NEVER drop my pizza. But kudos to Pablo for honesty.